MUSLIM/CHRISTIAN
MARRIAGE SUPPORT GROUP

We ask the marriage guidance experts for their insights on our marriages:

1. To what extent in your experience are the problems you see Muslim/Christian couples having different from other partnerships?
   They can have very similar difficulties to other mixed faith and/or mixed cultural couples. Perhaps societal pressures, especially at this time, may be especially worrying and call into question loyalties to one side or another.
   
   
2. What kinds of issues are typical?
   Family of origin expectations which can conflict with or intrude in the couple's relationship and cause stress and division. Life-stage developments in the individual partners of the couple: e.g whilst in the early years of the relationship they may be in a stage of rebelliousness against accepted religious norms, or conversely an enthusiastic convert; later on one or both partners might feel the need to rediscover their roots including their faith and this may upset the working balance. The birth of children: conflicting faith rituals, rites of passage, education. One partner's expectation, hopes etc of the other 'converting' and subsequent defence systems building up one way or another .
   
   
3. Is it possible or desirable for a counsellor to avoid cultural/religious bias in working with a couple who have different cultural and/or faith backgrounds; in fact can a counsellor of either faith remain impartial in their advice as to how to support the interests of both partners in an interfaith marriage ?
   There is a difference between counseling and giving advice. Counselling is about exploring areas of difficulty with clients and enabling them to find ways of solving the problem. Each counsellor comes with their own bias but training seeks to make them aware of this and to use supervision in order not to disadvantage the counselling process by imposing their own ideas. Counsellors are trained to work with difference, to listen to individual stories, to be curious, to challenge their own assumptions, to listen carefully to each partner of the couple and to hold the balance.
   
   
4. Is it important that a counsellor should know about and understand the cultural and religious basis for the outlook of both partners?
   Yes. By listening, exploring and checking out, as each person will be unique in how they understand their own faith and culture.
   
   
5. What kind of guidance and training do you offer or would you like to offer your counsellors in understanding cultural/religious differences in relation to marriage?
   We do have training in counselling where there is cultural and religious difference but are open to learning more (from your group?). We (in Central Middlesex) have a varied counsellor team and client group and issues are often brought to group and individual supervision.
   
   
6. Are there strategies you have found can be helpful to clients in such partnerships?
   Good communication. Learning to respect the other for their beliefs and being able to find where these can enrich the couple's relationship and where the difference needs to be accepted as individual and needing its own place. Looking at boundaries within the wider family structure and the need to renegotiate as time brings changes.
   
   
7. Whilst religious and cultural differences are often seen as a problem for marriages, are you aware of ways in which either or both religions can be brought in to helping the partners reach a solution?
   Religions and cultures have often developed in order to help people make sense of life and enable communities to live peaceably together. Given that couples share the same human experience, there will be much commonality in each of the beliefs to help the couple reach a solution to their difficulties.